This is a memoir, a cold memoir for any children to happen.
"I was at home. I was cold. Tshewang Rinzin had not made bhukhari fire. I asked him why it was not lighted. He wasn't responding!" When he said this, it was hours later after recovering from near death experience on the 11th January night in 2019. In a miraculous experience, my father had reached home seconds after falling unconcious. He was one of the leading members of a pilgrims consisting of relatives who were travelling to Tsho Pema and Manikaran. My Apa and his friend were the only male in the team of six pilgrims.
Home was more than two thousand kilometres away from where he lay unconscious, on a cold bathroom floor. He lay unconscious, stiff and pale at one of the guest house his pilgrim troupe had rented at Manikaran, Himachal Pradesh, India. This was after the first throw up of massive blood, vomiting and collapsing to the floor. He hit his head on his shoes by the door.
It would have been fatal if his friend Tshering La did not held him up from the rear. When he pushed father up from the fall, he was cold and staring into the space with a deathly gaze. The gaze like an owl was without light and life. It was during this time Apa’s spirit had momentary reached home some thousands of kilometers away to Khaling Trashigang.
It was only after few minutes of shaking and calling him Apa came to life with to a hazy consciousness. He had coughed and slumped on his friend’s arms. There was then neither strength nor warmth on him.
It was a long night for the pilgrims. There was nothing they could do immediately to take Apa to a health center. The only BHU was very far from Manikaran, and there was no taxi available. It was neither convenient for all pilgrims to move together nor for Apa's friend to go alone and leave all women at the Manikaran spring site. They had to wait until morning.
After the troupe returned from their morning dip at the Manikaran hot spring, they took him to a nearby clinic. Apa could barely walk. The clinic had no emergency services. He was given one transfusion of glucose solution. He began to regain strength and better awareness of himself. He realised he had passed out cold for several minutes. Apa had suffered from loose motions through the night, and each time, it was blood and fluids. He vomited few times again, worsening his health every time.
The new year vacation was beginning to unfold differently for me and my siblings. When my phone rang at 11 PM on that night, fortunately just after bed, I stood frozen listening to Apa's unfortunate incident. The call was from my brother in Thimphu who was informed hours after the incident. Any call at night sends a sinister sign, and it was one such on that cold night. I felt hopeless and helpless. I immediately contacted by brothers and sisters. The calls connected from Punakha to Thimphu, Trashigang to Samtse, Mongar to Trongsa, Canberra to New York to India. We began an endless jigsaw of conversations among siblings. We planned how to travel to India the next morning. We talked for what we thought was the best possible answer to keeping Apa on the line, letting him know we will do everything to come and get him medical care. We were able to talk through the only phone with Indian sim card to hear from Apa.
The night was a very long night for the troupe. My mother who had to brace the shocking turn of events realised that the worst was imminent. It was even more scary that it had to happen at an alien place. Amidst fear, tears of fear and indecision, she stood beside Apa, doing everything from conversing to caring. The night was the longest wait for the morning for all the pilbrims.
The following day, they managed to arrange a taxi for a long journey.They could not start until around 10 AM.The stay at Manikaran had to be cut short. The plan was to get medical help at Mandi and move towards Delhi.They began an eight hour taxi ride towards Mandi, the nearest town with better medical facilities. The snow fall at night had worsened the road, and it had to fall at a very desperate time. The traffic policemen halted all vehicles until it was safe to drive. The wait was costly for my Apa's deteriorating condition.
The road was cleared after a hour;s wait. During the ride Apa sunk into oblivion for few times. He thought, 'I can't hold any longer. This must be my last days.' He felt strength sapping out of him, vision blurring away and there was no sense of time. He sat like a statue, quiet and disoriented. It must have been a depressing moment since the collapse for Apa's friends to have him immobilised and unpredictable. They travelled over 300 kilometers for nearly nine hours to reach Mandi. Mandi was their second hope.
As the team fought to reach Apa to the nearest medical center, I and my brothers were desperately trying to get flight tickets from Paro to Delhi. When we heard that they were travelling towards Mandi, we were relieved. We had to wait a day to get tickets to Delhi for three of us. We decided for three of us brother to fly to Delhi. My brother, Pelzang, who was a lieutenant in RBA had studied in Delhi few years ago and was thought to be wise to go. He is also the youngest brother. Ugyen is a Radiologist at Samtse, and his help was seen necessary for any communication with medical people in Delhi. I am the eldest and had to be the first to be part of Mission Apa Ugyen.
Apa received his second dose of glucose transfusion at Mandi. It appeared to make him stronger, but not hopefully improving. After Mandi the troupe decided to separate. Apa’s friend and my mother planned to head to Delhi for better medical attention. It was hoped that it was the only hope for my father. It would be impossible for my mother to travel with Apa to Delhi alone.She had never travelled alone in an alien country. The rest of the troupe planned to move to Rewalsar, Tsho Pema to to continue their pilgrimage. It was the second important itinerary the troupe had initially planned when they began from Bhutan.
Although weak and sick, Apa had insisted travelling to Rewalsar with the troupe. Apa was reluctant to separate and jeopardise the dreams of others by separating. Travelling towards Rewalsar from Mandi would make journey to Delhi longer by several hours. The troupe seemingly weighed travelling to Tsho Pema more important than reaching Delhi at the earliest. They drove towards Rewalsar, some 8 hours ride, 240 kilometers, towards north, away from Delhi. This could have been Apa's last journey in life!
Apa has always been a man of determination and discipline, someone who lived his promise for everyone all his life. It was always his his maxim to complete what he began, or never begin at all. The following morning Apa began to take his first meal since the sickness began. It was an immense relief to mother and others. The members of troupe had a brief visit to the lake and temples before journeying towards Delhi.
The only hope of recuperation under a reliable medical hospital was to travel to Delhi metropolitan city to avail medical services. Delhi is more than 400 kilometers away with a travel time of at least ten hours. Everyone in the troupe had little hope of reaching Apa safely to Delhi. The journey was going to be slow. Time had become vital by the minute for Apa who was was weak.
There was a heavy loss of blood in two days that caused severe dehydration. His blood pressure plummeted to a dangerous level and blood sugar was decreasing gradually. The two bottles of glucose in two days before reaching Delhi made a slight difference to reviving his vitals. My father and his friends had taken too much risk by not heading to Delhi from Mandi.
I and two brothers had to wait for a day to get an emergency flight to Delhi on 14th January. We intended to reach Delhi before the Apa arrived and make arrangements at a hospital. It was like saving the king in the game of chess, and every military man stood towards repaying debts to their king. With prayers on our lips and hope in our hearts, we flew from Paro on 14th January to Delhi. We arrived early and were able to arrange hospital, set up rested apartment across the hospital. Lt. Pelzang becae our captain for the logistics, for he knew well the streets and the people.
When father reached Max Smart Specialty Hospital at Saket province in Delhi it was late night. We waited outside hospital hoping Apa arrived safe. It was the longest nights we ever waited for Apa to reach hospital. We realised that any other man at 76 losing critical amount of blood, travelling over thousands kilometres without food and proper medical care would succumb to his ailment. I realised how precariously we were close to disaster when Apa was moved from the taxi to the wheel chair. It was a miraculous feat of determination to hold on and remain strong for three days.
He was weak, emaciated and delirious when he arrived Delhi hospital. We could barely hear as he spoke. Lopen Tsheringla said,Apa went into oblivious state of awareness as they rode the taxi. Early next morning, after series of injections and fluids,Apa was able to whisper. When asked if he remembered the journey, he said, “As I sat in the car, I felt sense of timelessness. I passed out few times.”
If not for some divine interference that kept the thread of life alive, it would not have been possible to travel two days without food, rest and intensive medical services. His lifetime of spiritual pursuits, meditation practices and blessing from the tutelary deity, Throma Nagmo, perhaps made the miracle happen. For a practitioner, it has often been known that, even if body dulls minds can remain firm and sharp.
Since his illness, although there were impossible obstacles to reaching Delhi for the eight member pilgrim troupe and also for family members to reach Delhi from Bhutan, all decisions and roadway began to unfold without hindering disastrously. There is miracle about the karmic deed and spiritual attainments when difficult hours befall us. Buddha’s teachings remain the only truth that can explain the maze of confusion we have.
As we flew back home on 19th January, I felt like I was celebrating one of the most memorable days of my winter vacation.
WE LOVE YOU APA, EVEN MORE.
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